by: Liana
Liana is a first time mommy and a full-time accountant but that doesn’t stop her from helping others. She is also a mom blogger giving out tons of tips and tricks to other moms in her blog www.thecluelessmommie.com. No matter what life throws at her she makes sure to live by her motto of “Figuring it out one day at a time.”
Recognizing & Managing Mom’s Battle with Burnout & Anxiety
Being a mom is hard, a lot harder than most people can really describe. Because it’s the norm to just be “ON” all the time and do “all the things”, it’s even harder to realize when to stop. Add social media to the mix and then it adds the pressure to be perfect. One of the main reasons for all of this is because it is considered completely normal and almost even expected, especially in American culture, to be doing something at all times.
What does this constant “ON” cause?
· Anxiety
· Depression
· Exhaustion
· Burnout
Which one do you usually feel? Can you put yourself in one of these buckets?
As you may have already heard, the latter has been finally been recognized by the medical community as a disease!
A disease, people!
A disease just like heart disease, HIV, even cancer. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), burnout is defined as “a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.”
Now in this particular definition, it mentions “workplace” but please remember that it doesn’t necessarily need to mean “at work.” Moms work at home too. Moms work just about everywhere, so it’s ANYWHERE where your stress has not been successfully managed.
They are diseases of the mind.
As a mom who deals with anxiety myself, I am very well aware that self-care is a must. It’s incredibly hard to do, because there is so much to do all the time, but it needs to be a priority. If I won’t take care of myself, who will? Who will take care of my baby if I don’t look after and take care of myself?
There are so many mothers who get their first glimpse of depression or anxiety post-partum. Burnout follows all of these. Sleep deprivation is a serious form of torture – an actual, legitimate form of torture – so how does one expect to function like a normal human being without it? With the high demands of newborns and toddlers, along with work life, home life, married/committed life, it is easy to lose yourself and your mind.
Tips for managing the “on”
Without going into a tremendous amount of detail on each topic, here are some tips to give you some ideas on self-care. Let’s go backwards and start with Burnout.
Burnout
First and foremost, although you are a mom and you wear an invisible cape, please know that not everything is going to get done. Ever.
Get over that sh….erhmm, stuff now. 🙂
Something is going to fall by the wayside. Whether it is your house or your relationships, something’s going to give. Balance is possible but only slightly as there is no possible way to give your 100% to more than one thing. It’s just not possible.
So while at work, focus on work. Take breaks to walk around, stretch, chat with a coworker. Feeling like your mind is going to explode? Take a break! While you’re at it, plan your next day off. You are no good to your employer if you go crazy. Sucky employer who lacks understanding? Start planning your next move. No job is worth your sanity or happiness.
At home, pick one task to do at a time and try to schedule your day as best as you can. Can’t get to all of the items? You’ll live; it’ll be okay. As “they” say, tomorrow is another day. Cross off what you can off the list and plan it for another time. Try your best not to stress (I know this is waaay easier said than done!). Plan out relax time and family time. Same as work, you’re no good to your family if you start going bananas.
Exhaustion
This one is the hardest, yet simplest, thing to resolve. Lol.
Simple solution: Sleep & Rest
Difficult task to accomplish: sleep & rest
Exhaustion is the preamble to burnout. You’ll feel it subtly at first and then it hits you in the face like a sucker punch.
If you have a newborn, try your best to sleep when baby sleeps. Forget the laundry and everything else. You can have family or significant other watch the baby or you can “nap swap” with a friend and take turns watching each other’s kids so the other person can nap. If your financial situation allows it, hire a cleaning crew or something once a month or get on a meal subscription service. If not, you can try swapping these services with a friend or family member.
You know this mom thing takes a village!
Getting enough sleep but still feel drained? Get a sitter or family member to watch the little one(s) and go put mommy in “time out.” Go to the beach, the park, the mall, anywhere that makes you happy and clears your mind. Hit the reset button in any way you can.
Depression
I am fortunate enough to say that I do not have much experience in this, but I know many people, including my husband, who have been here. From what I’m told it can go either way – you either don’t care much about anything at all and just mope or sleep and just feel disconnected, or you care too much to the point where you don’t feel like you’re good enough and feel like a failure.
As I stated before, many moms get this way postpartum. There is a void that appears that not even your baby can fill. The exhaustion and overwhelm of being a new mom is just too much and you just can’t deal. You see horror stories of things other moms go through or you just see the “perfect” social media with “perfect” moms and wonder if you’ll ever be good enough.
Does this sound like you?
GET HELP!
I can’t stress this enough. Either help yourself with self-care or get someone to help you, but it needs to be done. DO NOT WAIT! If you feel like you’re not yourself, you’re not. No one knows you better than you.
2 ways to do this – either you help yourself or you have someone help you. Either way, I do not recommend that you do this journey alone. If you decide to help yourself, please let a loved one know you’re having a hard time so that you get their support. If you are just far enough down the rabbit hole where you don’t even know where to begin, please seek professional help. You know where you stand, and if you don’t, your close friends or family will know if you’re off your game. Even though you may feel this way, you’re not alone. There is someone out there who love you and cares for you, especially the little cute ones…Get.Help.
Anxiety
I went through some really bad anxiety about 4 years ago – we’re talking panic attacks and all. It came seemingly out of nowhere and was incredibly hard to manage. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, or I was going to get a heart attack or something. Since my anxiety seemed to manifest from food, I lost a ton of weight, I could barely eat anything without freaking out, and I would break out in hives just sitting at my kitchen table. I would wake up screaming at night and the “falling” feeling would throw me in another panic. Just ask my mom or my poor husband.
Between therapy and my husband, God bless his heart, they pulled me through.
Have you ever gone through this insanity? Are you feeling anxious about being anxious?
THANKFULLY, this was before I had my beautiful daughter, but I promise it doesn’t eliminate all of the challenges. I haven’t had an actual panic attack in years, but there are many times where I feel myself getting extremely nervous and I fear losing control.
The nerves get me all worked up, which causes me to get tired, which causes me to get overwhelmed (burnt out) … See how it all snowballs?
I went to therapy for a long time to get me to a good enough place so that I know how to manage. But guess what, I have to make sure I stay strong…if not for me, then I have to do it for her.
Since I personally went through this, I can give you a couple of bonus tips on this that were extremely helpful to me.
· Do you feel that intensity coming on where your heart starts beating fast and you feel like you’re getting short of breath? Start singing out loud. It may seem ridiculous but singing takes a certain type of breathing pattern that you normally don’t notice. If you can sing, you can breathe – you’re not going to die. 🙂
· Feel like your chest is getting tight and it starts to make you feel like you’re going to get short of breath and your chest is going to cave in? Touch your chest firmly with your finger. If you can “feel” it, it’s tension, not your heart. Once you relax, it’ll go away.
· Acupuncture – get those nerves in line. I had some of the best naps of my life during acupuncture. Those tense muscles from sitting at a desk all day, coupled with my crazy anxiety, needed to get worked out. You can do massages too, but acupuncture could be covered by your health insurance and you won’t be super sore afterward.
· Whether you’re a reader or not, invest in the book “Hope and Help for Your Nerves” by Dr. Claire Weeks. It’s an old book, but I have never, ever seen a more accurate explanation of anxiety and its symptoms. It is the nervous person’s bible.
· Meditation and yoga. Slow down and breathe. I suggest this over running or something else that is high intensity because those other forms of activity raise your heart rate a lot – which is an anxious person’s nightmare since the biggest thing is the irrational fear that you’re going to drop dead on the spot. Slow down and this alone will help you in every aspect of your life.
· Stay present. Don’t think about tomorrow, later, or yesterday. Look around and focus on your surroundings.
· And last but not least, THERAPY, THERAPY, THERAPY! I am a huuuuuuuuuuuuge advocate of therapy. Find yourself a good therapist and you will never regret it. Honestly, anxiety or not, everybody needs a therapist in their lives. This is the most unbiased and truthful person you will ever meet. Sure, you’re paying them in a way, but they don’t know any more than you tell or show them, so any biases that you would get from family or friends will not be there. It gives a very nice clean slate of comfort. Always be truthful and honest and you’ll get the best results. I would have never, ever, gotten through that period of my life, especially since I chose not to take any medication, without the help of my amazing therapist. She helped me to snap out of it and showed me how to change my way of thinking so I can live my life. As she would always tell me, “you can’t ‘unknow’ what you already know.” 🙂
So mama if you haven’t figured this out yet, know this – being exhausted or burnt-out will throw you off your game. Being anxious is torture and being depressed is, well…depressing. Before all else, make self-care a priority somehow.
Make sure to always make it a point to check in on yourself. Even if it’s a quick and quiet moment in the morning during your coffee or in the evening before bed. Don’t underestimate the power of overwhelm and exhaustion. Give yourself some TLC and you’ll make it to fight another day.
Sources: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/burnout-who-medical-diagnosis_n_5ced5943e4b0bbe6e3340dc4